Tuesday, April 1, 2008

A Red Hot News Item For The Day

I came across this little news item while scanning the headlines for any moto-related stuff. In my opinion, this was close enough, and offers a nice break before I post "Chapter Three in the Burp Ride" saga tonight. These are the kind of news stories that indicate government is responding to the changing needs of the people.


Security Agency To Change Search Procedures To Accommodate Nipple Piercings

Washington, DC (International World News) --
Acting in response to strong public criticism from headlines generated by a botched search of a woman wearing semi-permanent nipple jewelry, the Transportation Security Agency has announced several procedural changes regarding pat-downs of passengers with detected body piercings. Spokesman Mike Hunt claims that while airport security personnel acted correctly in attempting to remove a female passenger's nipple rings with bolt cutters, it would have been better had the officers taken her to an interrogation office first, as opposed to just putting down highway cones before removing her shirt.

"Quite frankly, this was a new situation for us," said Hunt. "Officers didn't want to hold up the line but they needed to be sure what they were dealing with." A strong upsurge in travelers with body piercings passing through the nation's airports has caused the agency to initiate a series of sensitivity courses for inspectors dealing specifically with this issue. Titled "Getting A Feel For Pierced Nipples and Clitoral Jewelry," the presentation uses extensive role playing to make airport checkpoint authorities more cognizant of passenger trends and how to respond to them. Part of each course is a nipple identification video that has helped to keep officers focused.

"I'm proud to say that our men are rising to the occasion and are taking full advantage of the opportunity to incorporate these lessons in their jobs," said Hunt. "Many have gone out and gotten piercings of their own. Several have had RFID chips that vibrate and light up installed as well. These installations have proven to be low-cost, low tech indicators that alert inspectors as to other female passengers worthy of inspection."

The Transportation Security Agency has also revised the body search process. In keeping with the entire pierced nipple mystique, the agency has acknowledged that female passengers need to be put at ease during body searches. At many major airports, inspectors will now dress up like Harley riders at a rally, and stand under a sign that reads, "Show us your tits!" Women choosing this method of inspection will be given a few beers, be photographed, and logged into the REAL BREAST ID program, that was jointly developed by a major security supplier and YouTube.

Interestingly enough, body piercings among male passengers are also on the rise. At a major airport last week, inspectors tagged 156 men with penile piercings. One claimed to be the last high priest of the Mayan people, while another was allegedly identified as a ranking member of the Bush Administration.

©Copyright International World News 2008

3 comments:

motonomad said...

Jack,
Really, this piece is too good not to get wider circulation!

Anonymous said...

I needed a good laugh today. That hit the spot. Scott R.

Sojourner rides said...

It is 3:15 in the morning. I may have to explain what I was doing and with whom to cause all this giggline. Thanks!