Thursday, February 18, 2010

Dispatches From The Front... Stuff Left Out



The “Dispatches From The Front” episodes of “Twisted Roads” deal with open correspondence to the author, bits and pieces of stories not yet published, real endings to stories of mine that were published in sanitized hardcopy venues, interesting pictures that haven’t yet made it into print, and ride announcements.

Previously Unanswered Correspondence From Readers

Dear Twisted Roads:

The island nation of Fuugola has been looking to compete in the winter Olympics for the past 50 years. As you must be aware, the tropical nature of Fuugola is not conducive to luge training, nor do our meager resources allow for the construction of large scale, artificially cooled luge facilities. The most recent blog episodes of Twisted Roads indicate that East Goshen, Pennsylvania is a land wracked by ice and snow, where people wear hides and drink potent liquids from helmets, worn to prevent death from impact during the odd warm month, when motorcycles play a significant role in the mating ritual.

Our research indicates that your current physique (which most closely approximates the dimensions of the Fuugolanese alpha male), your nurturing attitude toward women, and your ability to consume rum and coconut milk from a helmet — coupled with the frozen vastness of your driveway (an ideal luge training facility) — compel me to ask, would you consider going into training and competing on behalf of Fuugola in the next winter Olympics, to be held in Newark, NJ (a city with the same annual snowfall of Vancouver, BC).

(Above) Total Life Trainer from Fuugola — Photo by Bob Skoot


We haven’t got much to offer you in the way of compensation. In fact, all we can do is provide you with a “Total Life” trainer, who will do your cooking, your cleaning, and basic luge and motorcycle maintenance, while attending to your more animalistic needs. Her name is Siama Seeza. (Picture enclosed.) We would also be willing to name you “Hardonius Erectus,” which would make you a tribal chief. Would these arrangements be acceptable to you?

Sincerely,
Motubu Afumastu
Minister Of Olympic Competition
Island Nation of Fuugola


Dear Motubu Afumastu:

Looking at my calendar, I can start tomorrow.

Fondest regards
Twisted Roads




Dear Twisted Roads:

My boyfriend, “Street Crud,” rides a Harley Davidson. He got it to ride from Seven-Eleven to Seven-Eleven with his friends every weekend. Sometimes they cover as much as 25 miles in a day. They pull up in a huge line in the Seven-Eleven parking lot, drink coffee, and admire their bikes. Then they ride on to the next one and do it all over again. At that point, things started to get “odd.”

Crud got one of those stupid German soldier helmets, in chrome, that looks like a huge dickhead. After that, he got a Harley tattoo on his dick. Okay, it's not actually on his dick. It's a tattoo done in an arch that reads, "H-D... Born to ride" over his dick. But he likes to read it whenever he takes a piss, so he had it put on upside down. Crud has to shave his pubes to read the damn thing and has made a You-Tube video of shaving himself with a straight-edge razor. But it’s all bullshit. He really uses “Nair” and a pink Lady Gillette razor with little flowers on it. The straight-edge razor is made of plastic and came from a Halloween costume shop.

Now Crud is complaining about my tits.

(Above) Crud says these aren't Harley enough. Photo by Babs

He says they just aren’t “Harley” enough. I am a 34 “C,” with pink rosé nipples that point up. He wants me to get a boob job pushing these puppies up to 44 “Double D’s,” so I can get “Harley” tattooed on one, and “Davidson” on the other. Except he wants the words put on backwards so he can read them in the mirrors on his Sportster. A fucking Sportster. Is it just my imagination, or does it sound strange that a guy would willing go riding around on a little fucking Sportster? Do you think he secretly wants to be a bitch.

Sincerely,
Babs
Questioning Sportster Crud
Shithole, New Jersey


Dear Babs:

Could be. I’ll admit that the fascination with a little motorcycle and big hooters does sound strange. But we here at Twisted Roads are more concerned with potential safety hazards that Crud may be creating — and to which he may be inadvertently exposing you. Our safety team engaged an exotic dancer, with 44 “Double D’s,” to ride pillion on a Sportster we found parked behind a local ballet studio. A we suspected, her bodacious tah-tahs completely filled the field of vision on both mirrors, preventing the operator from seeing anything else.

This is a very dangerous situation. You were smart to write to us.

But there is some good news too. Your current vital statistics exactly match those found on page 16 of the K75 Eugenics Guide For The Perfect Ride. In other words, you are exactly proportioned to be a flawless addition to the pillion of any BMW K75, particularly those manufactured in 1995. (This is a legendary motorcycle that is anything but small.) There is a notation on the same page that as a further test for rider compatibility, you can lay back on the gas tank, resting your ankles on the K75 operator’s shoulders. If he emits a low whistle, you’re a perfect fit.

I just happen to have a 1995 K75, with a custom tank bag made of Corinthian glove leather. Let me know if I can assist you in any way.

Sincerely,
Twisted Roads


Dear Twisted Roads:

Me, Nancy and Harry actually did save 1.8 million jobs. Yours just wasn’t one of them. So fuck you.

Sincerely,
Bowing Barry
Washington, DC


Dear Bowing Barry:

Thank you for writing to Twisted Roads. No one is here right now, as we are out begging on the street, but your opinion is important to us. Your letter will be answered next November. Fuck me? Fuck you!

Sincerely,
Twisted Roads




Dear Twisted Roads:

You Son Of A Bitch: Oh you were sooooo cool... Coming up to me in that dumpy biker bar with that stupid line, “Allow me to reproduce myself.” I could kill you for wearing that stupid banged-up beagle look on your face, and myself for falling for it. I can’t believe I swallowed that story about you being on your way “to donate an organ.” Well we know who the organ recipient was, don’t we. Then you told me those pills in the bottle next to your bed were male birth control tablets. They were nothing more than red m&ms. (I found the rest of the bag on the floor in the bathroom. Not a red one in the whole bunch.) You are such a prick. You and that whole BMW- riding crowd from Pennsylvania. They ate and drank everything in the damn beach house.

When am I going to see you again?

Sincerely,
Paris H.
Hollywood, Cannes, New York, You-Tube

ps: The video is so cool... Especially when you peel that little Twisted Roads tee shirt off me.


Dear Paris H.:

I never lied to you... Well maybe just a little... Actually, the part about me being a professional pole vaulter was a stretch... Unless you want to consider vaulting the poles the strippers use in topless joints as a vocation. And you knew what those guys were when you answered the door. You still owe me $2,000 for the shirt.


Sincerely,
Twisted Roads



Dear Twisted Roads:

I want to be just like you, and have women lift their shirts every time I pull up on my bike too. So I got a red K75, covered all the chrome parts with black Jet-Hot coating, mastered the patented “battered baby seal look,” and even shoved a large potato in my tight Aerostitch riding gear. I get a lot of smiles, but not one woman has lifted her shirt. Should I change the muffler on the bike? Should I switch to a Sprint fairing? What am I doing wrong?

Sincerely,
B. Curry
Hanging Cat, Pa


Dear B. Curry:

Try putting the potato in the front of your Aerostitch.

Sincerely,
Twisted Roads


Other, Unrelated Issues

BMW aficionado Lee Kazanas sent me this picture from Jay, New York... Where I used to live. It is a pictorial comparison between the weather in Jay and East Goshen, Pa., my current residence. Lee Kazanas was one of my very first friends when I moved up to the Adirondacks. Our daughters trick or treated together when they were five years old.

(Above) Lee Kazanas on his newest acquisition, a BMW R1150RT, sending me an encouraging message about the weather. Photo by Lee Kazanas

Kazanas and his wife Cheri are the talent behind the world-renowned Jay Craft Center, the source of exquisite pottery, woodwork, and jewelry. (This studio is highly regarded as the epicenter of cultural development in the North Country. It is part of an extensive community of artists, musicians, and writers, plus a sweat shop where Kazanas keeps Cheri and the kids handcuffed to the machinery.) I have spent thousands of hours with Lee and his wife over dinner, at a bar, by a fireside, or even in their studio, where clay is tortured into beautiful shapes. Some of the most elegant Adirondack homesteads are decorated with artwork from this studio, adorned by the distinctive pinecone signature. Years ago, when I was a young writer, I saved six months wages to buy a hand-painted switch-plate for the kitchen wall from the Jay Craft Center. One of my former wives took it on her way out.

This picture is Lee’s genteel way of giving me the finger. He's out riding, and I'm not.

Clicking on this link will take you to the front forks of Michael Cantwell’s 1994 BMW K75. A neighbor of Lee Kazanas, Cantwell lives in Wilmington, NY (another town where I used to live). This video clip depicts Cantwell roaring out onto Bonnieview Drive, and turning left onto Route 86, for the first ride of 2010. His run will go past the road on which Twisted Roads reader Ihor Sypko has a cabin, and past the vegetable stand where the Mulvey’s sell produce in the summer. (Cantwell will blow his distinctive horn as he passes the Mulvey Farm.) Coming into Jay, Michael will go right onto Route 9 in Jay, passing the Jay Craft Center, only to get stuck behind a minivan doing 25 mph for the last 15 miles of a beautiful ride along the barren AuSable River. (The only thing that keeps Cantwell from passing the other vehicle is unsabashed fear. The word the gentle reader is looking for is “pussy.”) Nevertheless, the sound of the K75 is like having a hot luge trainer from Fuugola whisper in your ear. The video pixelates as Michael hits his top speed of 36 mph, but the sound of that engine is the symphony of life. I recommend watching the video at least once, then closing your eyes and just listening to it a second time.

Gifts I received...

Readers occasionally send me the nicest things. Most recently, Bob Skoot of “Wet Coast Scootin’” sent me a collapsible stool to assist me in mounting and dismounting from my K75. The arthritis in my hips and knees is so bad, that swinging my leg over the 31” (inch - ‘Merican unit of measurement) sends a jolt of pain through my spine. This thoughtful gift is cleverly designed to fold flat, and Bob quickly deduced that it would fit into my topcase, providing me with additional options to minimize my riding challenges. My topcase is the OEM unit from BMW. It opens forward, enabling me to reel in a step, secured to the handelbars by a chain, and drop it into the case behind me, also accepting a folding cane that I use for walking. Bob undoubtedly felt this stool would be a rather fashionable answer to my mounting problems.

Regretably, the stool that Bob sent me does not fit into the topcase, which has some peculiar dimensions.

(Above) The interior contours of the BMW OEM topcase limit the usable space inside, and the nice folding stool that Bob Scoot sent me is a trifle too large. Photo taken by the author.

The step I currently use was built for me by Jim Sterling, a Mac Pac rider and friend, who happens to be an engineer for Boeing. Sterling recognized the odd parameters of the BMW topcase, took careful measurements, and built the step to fit. He rode up to my garage from Delaware, where he then experimented with a prototype, that added nearly four inches in height to my leg, helping me get it over the “fat man wings” of my Russell Day-Long Saddle.

(Above) This is the step arrangement I cureently use, designed and built by Jim Sterling, of the Mac Pac Engineering Institute. These guys can do anything. Photo by the author.

Bob Skoot was the 6th person to contribute a step to my garage. Prototypes were contributed by Ricky Matz (a friend of mine for 40 years), Ken Bruce (Mac Pac), Dick Bregstein (Mac Pac), David Hardgrove (Mac Pac) and Jim Sterling (Mac Pac). David Hardgrove provided me with the exact same model as Bob Skoot, so now I have two. Two of the wooden steps (Ricky’s and Ken’s) are now permanent fixtures in the garage, which I can just pull up to. Bob Skoot’s step (which was mailed to me at considerable expense) is now in the Suburban, to assist me in getting snow off the roof and as a means to soften the jolt when the Celebrex isn’t up to the job.

I have no idea what it was that deserved this kind of consideration attention from my riding friends, but I am eternally grateful.

Tena Abbey sent me a pouch she knitted, filled with little baby harp seals. According to the note, she has been studying the marketability of the “Battered Baby Seal look,” a technique I have relied on to get laid for years. (I have not previously considered marketing this secret, nor holding webcasts in its execution, as I am not interested in raising the competition.) Abbey claims that the baby harp seal has other therapeutic benefits, however. In a secret study, Canadian school teachers, politicians, healthcare officials, and clergy all showed dramatic drops in anxiety after spending a few days on the ice, clubbing the shit out of baby harp seals. (It’s hard to believe that Canada has a dark side like this, but it fits in nicely with the whole bilingual scam.)

(Above) Tena Abbey's desktop Harp seals are ideal for battering with a pencil, to work out those inner office tensions. Photo by the author, taken on his desk.

Abbey felt that she could replicate the relaxing sensation of clubbing baby harp seals, and make it available to executives and others with high anxiety-generating jobs in the US, through this pouch of seals. You simply empty it onto a desk top, and whack the seals with a pencil. I recently did this while listening to a keynote speaker in the travel industry. Her presentation was on the significance of professional advancement within a firm by using social networking, like Facebook, to kiss ass publicly. By the time her presentation was over, I had whacked two of the fake seals to threads, and ate three others. Abbey is working on a CD that will create accompanying sound effects as well.


Two Tee Shirt Honeys...

Janice McKenzie bought three of my shirts around Christmas time, realizing the power of a Twisted Roads Tee shirt in a world gone amok. She then tempted fate by wearing one herself. Apparently, it has raised the value of the house she and Rolly Brown live in. I got the picture from Rolly, who said, “Doesn’t Janice look great in this shirt? And it really accents the natural beauty of the front porch too!”

(Above) Janice McKenzie demonstrates the proper fit of a Twisted Roads Tee Shirt. Photo by Rolly Brown, I thnk.

The second shot is off Tena Abbey, who decided to wear her shirt into a local library. I thought I had explained that the nature of the Twisted Roads tee shirt is best experienced in a risque setting. Now Tena lives over on the west coast, and apparently, the library is where women go to get something started. I heard that guys in the periodicals section went berserk, throwing cards from the catalogue high in the air. Some guys even spoke out loud.

(Above) Tena Abbey let's her Twisted Roads tee shirt magic loose in a west coast library. Photo is from the National Civilian Secret Data File.

Twisted Roads is in the process of changing its Tee shirt vendor. I wasn't happy with the quality of the larger size shirts, and am in the process of switching suppliers. Several folks have inquired, and I apologize for the wait. Five people have been waiting for books, and these were shipped today.

©Copyright Jack Riepe 2010
AKA The Lindbergh Baby (Mac Pac)
AKA Vindak8r (Motorcycle Views)
AKA The Chamberlain -- PS (With A Shrug)

35 comments:

Cantwell said...

Jack,
As an aside for the readers, you should note that the 'step' that is shown in the picture can also be used as a drogue which effectively slows you to 'old man with walker' speed so you don't have to lean in corners. Or at least you should give them that as an excuse why you don't.

I would also like to put in an order for a bag of baby seals. Not the real ones, but the knitted ones like in the picture. Seriously. I believe they might just save me some money and allow me to cut back on the antidepressants and shrink appointments.

Truly,
Michael

PS. You know when you look at a light too long and when you close your eyes all you see is this big spot....Every time I close my eyes, all I see are these perfect, glowing blue boobs. Your blog is truly a pick-me-up in these dark, late winter days.

Anonymous said...

You know lard ass...if I recall, I gave you the damn idea of mounting your bike from the curb (or other elevated object) when we were down in Delaware that one trip long ago. I even pushed your Cinnamon Balls to the curb for you. You didn't have a step then, did you? Didn't even have the idea, did you?

You know, I am getting sick and tired of saving your ass all the time and for what....I dont even get a credit in your blog. I am fucking pissed... Fuck you because my shoulder hurts.

Sincerely,
Chris Jacarrino

Gary5410 said...

I had to get my black sharpie out for the pics so I could show the blog to my wife.....now I can't get the 2 big black spots off my computer screen.
I'm also upset at the size of the pics of Twisted Roads tee shirt wearers....I don't think I ever got a pic that big on your blog!
Gary

Charlie6 said...

Jack, you sure get some interesting correspondence from varied and entertaining sources.

I look forward to the first luge training video. You did run it by the lovely and yet not too discerning in terms of male companionship Leslie about the offer from the nice folks of Fuugola right?

I've never understood the need of some Harley owners to tattoo everything in sight. It would indeed be a shame to mar what nature has given Babs of NJ.

Re your comments about the many step stools and blocks sent in by your caring readers. I originally was going to suggest a hydraulic suspension lift system for the K75, similar to what military cargo aircraft use, but decided you might actually challenge the engineers at the Mac-Pac to build it.

Very enjoyable posting, if anyone could get a letter from Paris such as the one displayed, it would be you Sir.

Gary5410 said...

P.S. They look familiar...anyone you know?

Electra Glide In Blue said...

Jack,

Funny thing my screen froze up on those 34C's of Babs.....

BTW, my official Twisted Roads Tee is holding up very nice.
And thanks to your book, I now fill my house with cigar smoke and bullshit.

cpa3485 said...

Interesting array of pictures and commentary. It was 9:00 pm when I got home last night and discovered your post. After having to commiserate with one of my client's pretty severe financial difficulties during the day yesterday, reading this gave me some good laughs, and was a welcome change in attitude for what had been a long day.
Keep up the good work and maybe I can survive "tax season".

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Michael (Cantwell):

You can kiss my ass when it comes to making fun of my step. No one knows better than you that it helps me get my fat ass into the saddle, where the K75 becomes the great equalizer.

Tena Abbey has a great imagination. The bag of harp seals holds a place of honor on my desk. I'm glad you liked the picture that Babs sent with the letter.

You know, there are those who see biking as a major lifestyle. I am one of them. But the perception of that lifestyle varies greatly. As you are aware, there are those who eat bran, avoid red meat and ride the same way. And there are those like myself, who like riding around the rough edges, but on a bike that smooths them out.

I am going to tell yiou this in all sincerity... Your little video fired a raeal envy in me. I would have given a lot just to be with you on that ride. The temperature her is 37º at the moment, sunny, with the world melting around me. Believe it or not, there is still ice in the fucking driveway. And the puddles are as deep as hell everywhere.

Mike, I hope you understood that I was busting your balls about not washing the salt off the K75. Your motorcycle is as well maintained as mine is. And in truth, there is something sad about a BMW that is always spotless.

Thanks for making that video and for sending it to me. I look forward to riding with you again a soon as possible.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad
Twisted Roads

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Chris (Jacarrino):

I'm sorry you are in pain with your shoulder again. I know the feeling of joints that refuse to bend and theodd night when they just throb in pain whether you bend them or not.

At some point in the future, I am going to do a "Chris Jacarrino Appreciation Day," which will include lunch in an upscale greasy spoon and a story detaling your contributions to the down-trodden and forgotten.

I have always had a great time with you and look forwad to "Wheelie Day" in the spring.

Fondest Regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

bobskoot said...

Jack "r"IEPE:

I got hypnotized at that photo with the TWO dots. I'll have to come back later to finish reading your BLOG. My retinas are still hurting. All I can see are two dots

bob
bobskoot: wet coast scootin

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Gary (Christman):

I don't understand why you would mark up your computer screen to "black out" several of my phrases or literary interpretations. A gentlemen from Key West once said that I needed bigger and more diverse pictures to make up for the endless text that plagues my blog.

I just try to hard to please everyone.

The next "Dispatches From The Front" will have a bigger picture of you ridng your bike through a creek or something.

Thank you for reading my blog and for commenting from the heart.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Charlie6 (Dom):

Twisted Roads nevers tries to pry into the personal lives of its readers. Yet every now and again, they reach out to us for advice and comfort... And we want so much to touch them back.

The Twisated Roads readership is so diverse, ranging from tribal kings in the Pacific to Guiness Book Idols, and from super-models in their underwear to BMW globe-trotters, that we cover a vast social strata. All are treated equally.

And I must tell you, the Mac Pac boys did have at least one discussion on rigging the K75 to raise and lower itself for my riding pleasure. There were several expert opinions that this was fully possible, but not for less than $10,000 or $12,000.

I hope you got a laugh out of this episode. Thanks for reading and for leaving a comment.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Gary (Christman):

They should look familiar to you... Remember that barmaid in the French Canadian town of Mangé Moi? That was Babs.

Fondesrt regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Electra Glide In Blue (Jeff):

There are days when cigar smoke and bullshit are all we have.

Fondest regards,
Jack • Reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear CPA3485 (Jimbo):

If my writing can do anything to ease the pain and suffering of a shitty day in the office, then my life is justified.

After two days of 40º weather, two inches of greenery are now visible where the lawn meets the pavement. Rain is predicted for Monday night, and I may be able to ride again during the first week of March.

Thank you for reading my blog, and for writing in.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Bob Skoot:

Take your time. Don't hurt yourself.

Fondest regards,
Jsck • reep • Toad

BMW-Dick said...

Dear Jack:
While reading this I thought, "I wonder why Jack puts up with abuse from his friends?" Then the truth jumped up and bit me in my Jack Riepe, They're not friends; just pockets of people scattered around the globe who admit they know you because they are charitable or want a free T-shirt. And, who are these people? A grown guy who plays with stuffed animals? Spuds Curry? Another artistic guy who makes pots in woods? Must be something in the K75 that leeches into their psyches through the rear drive. You think Jacarrino was pissed? I waded through mud in the woods to find you that chemically treated 4x4 wooden step, and you used it for kindling. Well, at least you put Bowing Barry in his place.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Dick (Bregstein):

I can't believe you escaped the bullet in this one, then stood up and waved at the sniper. I will remedy that situation in the next story I write. I haven't been on that damn bike in three months. I'm ready now.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Rogers George said...

You stole the phrase "bodacious ta-tas" from my wife. That was how she described a snow mermaid she sculpted a winter or two back. Here's a link to a post with a picture of it: http://www.mushroomstomotorcycles.com/2009/03/headhunters-and-other-skunks.html
PS--you have gone farther in your blog than I ever will in my blog, by which I refer to your eye candy.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Rogers:

There come a time when a man just feels like crossing a line, if for no other reason than to see what will happen. I got a call from a Mac Pac member who was laughing so hard that he could barely speak. The picture of the "bodacious tah-tahs" was actually secondary to the text.

By the way, I first heard the expression "bodacious tah-tahs" from the movie "An Officer and a Gentleman." Your comment threw me for a second, when I read your claim that I stole the notion from your wife. I can't tell you what I started thinking what you meant.

Rogers, wha are you doing on March 20th? If the weaher is good, I was rather hoping you might join me on a 200-mile ride.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Radar said...

Jack,

As always, absolutely superb narrative. As I began reading the note from Babs, I bagan to think, "Wow, what a selfish little b#%$ch", then I paged down and realized she is obviously a very caring person and this Crud dude is a obviously a complete ass. I, for one, am glad you have set the record straight.

Here's to warmer days ahead...

Most sincerely,
Radar
thunderroadlodge.blogspot.com

Radar said...

Jack,

P.S. Can you get one of the guys to craft the block of wood to make it look like it has been pulled out of a wall. Not only would it promote your bad-ass biker image, it would also prove the K75 has enough low-end torque to actually break loose of such bondage!

Radar
thunderroadlodge.blogspot.com

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Radar:

One cannot help wanting to feel something for Babs. Her story is so compelling, that it just makes you want to do want you can to make her feel appreciated.

Your suggestion as to making slight mofifications to my mounting block not only got an enthusiastic reception from me, but starting me thinking as to how I could perpetrate this new fiction.

I added the Thunder Road Motorcycle Lodge site to my "Destinations" column tonight. If you get the chance, ping me with your contact information at jpriepe@aol.com.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Lance said...

Jack, I like the idea of the step - I don't know how you Beemer guys do it, with that high seat perch you have. I guess I should stretch more...hey, maybe I could get some personal training time in with your Life Coach???

classicvelocity said...

Dear Jack,

If the Jamaicans can mount a competitive bobsled team, surely the Fuugoalans can luge. Also, depending on the venue in Newark, the Biathlon may have unregistered competitors.

Cheers

Wayne (aka classicvelocity)

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Lance:

The step became a necessity for me with the installation of the Russell Day-Long Saddle. While iot was possible for me to swing my leg over the "Fat Man Wings" of the saddle, I couldn't bend it far enough to get off the damn thing.

It should be noted that my K75 is a "low seat model" and that my previous one "Blue Balls" wa even taller, even with the Corbin Comfort seat.

Interestingly enough, Leslie used to have a 2005 Honda Areo Shadow, which was much lower as it fell into the cruiser category. I found that to be the most damned uncomfortable riding position.

With my knees bent at a stop, I always felt like I was going to drop the damn thing. The forward controls meant I had to pick my feet up to shift and hit the rear brake.

The K75 enableds me to straighten out my legs at each stop, and the controls, such as the shifter and the brake, can be reached without taking my feet off the pegs.

Thank you for readng and for writing in.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad
Twisted Roads

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Wayne:

It is my understanding that at its current size, my ass would get jammed in the luge run.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

ADK said...

"This video clip depicts Cantwell roaring out onto Bonnieview Drive"

"I recommend watching the video at least once, then closing your eyes and just listening to it a second time."


More like the sound of Col. Hanz Lanza whistling as he strangles Bridget von Hammersmark who is, I'm sure, the model whos picture you so flagrantly stole in order to introduce a litte tat to your blog.

I was thinking of sending you a gift too, but don't hold your breath.

Where's my flashlight?

NedM said...

Always enjoy your writings.

For some reason I found the Civil War photo especially poignant. I found myself wondering how many survived the conflict. They are all gone now, of course, but sadly many pictured there were not destined to see old age.

Ned

Jack Riepe said...

Dear ADK (Chris Wolfe):

Fuck you, you got that flashlight and 450 drinks the last time I was up there. But I do have a present for you... One of my readers, Matt Piechota, got a line on bright yellow duct tape. It will look great covering the cracks on that bike of yours. Speaking of a couple of cracks... What's the spring forecast like up there?

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Ned:

There are two periods of time that I find ultra fascinating in terms of US history. Theses are the Revolution and the Civil War. Two Cival War battlefields, Antiedam and Gettysburg, are within a few hours ride from my home.

As far as the Revolution goes, the town I live in is adjacent to the Brandywine Battlefield and the Paoli Massacre. Valley Forge is 12 miles away, and Jockey Hollow, is three hours away. History is all around me.

I'm glad you like my stuff.

Fondest regards,
Jack • Reep • Toad

ADK said...

Jack Riepe said...

Speaking of a couple of cracks... What's the spring forecast like up there?


It's been a long, cold, lonely winter thus far, and spring is not looking close right now despite Cantwells antics. A very, very real disappointment. Ah well, one almost never has ones cake and gets to eat it as well. At least not for very long anyway.

The Peril will be scratch and dent free the next time we meet. So gird your loins, or in your case tent your loins, and prepare thee for an epic ride come the warm weather.

How's Catherine Ann doing?

Jack Riepe said...

Dear ADK (Chris Wolfe):

A little winter solitude is good for the soul. Yet there comes a time when we look back on it and think, "That damn motorcycle is going to feel pretty damn good."

Cantwell is thinking about riding down here sometime in April. You should come with him. Is the fairing in the shop now, or was it a case of bolting on the new piss-yellow one?

The K75 looks like Angelina Jolie's ass right out of the shower, with the beads of water still on it. I tell you this so you can behin dealing with the envy now. Kazanas got himself a new/used "R" bike. It is one of the revised versions of the latest 1920's technology. I think it would be cool if all three of you rode down here.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

ADK said...

I'm certainly looking forward to getting my hands on the controls again, but I suspect it will be no where near soon enough. Spring is coming, when a young mans fancy turns to thoughts of getting back in the saddle, if there's a saddle to get into.

The parts are here and waiting to be installed, likely a days work if I include the heated grips and powerlet. I'd like to come down for a long weekend, but April is already looking busy. Which weekend were you all thinking of?

I'm glad the K75 is looking good, because that's as close to Angelina Jolie's ass your ever going to get.


Taken from Wikipedia....."At the time of its introduction, the K75 was BMW's cheapest motorcycle." Why am I not surprised that you have one?

What's it like always running on three cylinders anyway? I imagine trying to keep up with the full rack fours reminds you of our nights together at High Peaks - Always a drink behind and ten bucks light on your tab.

Word verification for this post today is 'bile', which somehow seems entirely appropriate.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear ADK (Chris Wolfe):

Didn't your mother ever tell you that if you can't say something nice about a person you shouldn't say anything nive at all? You were probably too stupid to understand that, hving been dropped on yor head many times as a baby.

It will be nice again to ride in the company of uourself and the Yellow Peril. We haven't really settled on a weekend in April yet, but the closer to the end the better we'll be for a ride to shore, rum in the Delaware sun, and fresh seafood.

Fondest regards,
Riepe