The first of my famous DPRs (Dubious Purpose Rides) has been scheduled for Saturday, March 20, 2010. This is the day I have chosen to celebrate my birthday with “The Great Slider Ride,” a 100-mile (plus) pilgrimage to the nearest White Castle (in Toms River, New Jersey). As is my custom, I will purchase one White Castle Cheeseburger for each year of my life (56) and distribute these to the attending masses. The first and only other time I conducted this ride, the attending masses totaled two: Don Eilenberger (of the Jersey Shore Riders) and Tony Luna of Motorcycle Views. Should they show up next Saturday, each will be awarded Grand Marshal status and be presented with a priceless momento.
(Above) Don Eilenberger, BMW Motorcycle Owners of America Ambassador and a member of the Jersey Shore BMW Riders, was 50% of the crowd that turned up at the last Great Slider Ride. He will have Grand Marshal Status if he shows up at this one.
The ride will begin at the Starbuck’s in Exton, on Route 30 (Business), about 300 yards east of the junction with Route 100. It will be “kickstands up” at 10am. (Those requiring coffee and pre-ride camaraderie are advised to get there around 9:30am.) The weather for the day is alleged to be partly sunny with a high of 63º. The route to New Jersey has been selected for its great beauty and diversity of terrain. Within the span of 100 miles, the riders will pass through stately farm lanes and former Quaker enclaves, showing the earliest signs of spring. We will pass through the edges of a real shit-hole of a city, cross the mighty Delaware, and ride through prime New Jersey tomato country. In a few brief miles, riders will encounter the desolate splendor of the New Jersey Pine Barrens and end up on the shores of Barnegat Bay — the gateway to the Atlantic.
(Above) Long-time friend Tony Luna (Vulcan Al), who I met for the first time on a PS (With A Shrug) Amish Horse Pile Swerve Ride, was the other 50% who showed up for the first Great Slider Ride. He too will have Grand Marshal Status if he shows up again. Tony has a BMW too, but he insisted on showing up on his Yamato Special, which began to shed body parts later in the day.
The poignant and touching ceremony is scheduled for 12:30pm, at the White Castle, located just west of the junction between Hooper Avenue and Route 37, in Toms River. The White Castle hamburger is a 2.5 inch square beef wafer, weighing approximately one ounce, perforated by 5 holes (to assist in cooking), on a grill smeared with crushed onions and Vaseline®. If ordered with cheese, it is served on a steamed bun (with a pickle chip and a smathering of ketchup) as soft as fresh quimm. White Castle cheeseburgers and hamburgers are highly addictive, and the average male drunkard can easily consume between five and eight.
(Above) The scene of the crime... The White Castle in Toms River, NJ.
It should be noted, however, that some White Castle aficionados claim that eating unspecified amounts of these may result in severe vomiting (when combined with alcohol) or a compelling case of the shits. (This last detail is important if you are riding a motorcycle through urban areas with a lack of natural cover.) I became addicted to the White Castle Hamburger at the age of six, when they were 5¢ each, as an alternative to eating out of dumpsters when my parents abandoned me. My father was a man of principle... And when a medical laboratory wouldn’t meet his price for me, I was turned loose to graze, with the admonition to write “if I found work.” I got a job in a bowling alley as a “waxer.” I’d be dipped in soft carnauba wax, then hurled the length of the alley for a strike. I was paid a nickel per alley. On a good Saturday, I made enough for five cheeseburgers and a half a pack of Lucky’s.
The Rally Point -- Starbuck’s in Exton (Route 30 Business, 300 yards east of Route 100.)
Pre-Ride Coffee -- 9:30am
Kickstands Up -- 10am
Route 30 East to Route 352
Right on 352 (all the way into Chester)
Right on major intersection following sign for interstate
Left on Conchord Ave. (At light by lumberyard).
Right immediately under overpass to Commodore Barry Bridge
Follow Route 322 NJ (East) to Mullica Hill
Route 77 NJ (South) to Route 40 NJ (East)
Route 40 NJ (East) to Route 54 NJ (north)
Route 54 turns into Route 206 (North)
Route 206 North to Route 70 East/North
Route 70 East/North to Route 37 East
Route 37 East to Hooper Ave.
Go past Hooper Ave. and make the dogleg turn (right) to co,me back on Rt. 37 West. The White Castle is on the immediate right.
I will need to stop and put me feet down for a bit after riding one hour. It is the price of the arthritis.
• Please show up with a full tank of gas.
After lunch, we may detour to Cameron’s of Kearny to buy Haggis (about three miles away) or we may head to the ocean at Seaside Heights for a picture in the sand.
• I am aware that this ride conflicts with the Herny’s event, but the date for this run was announced long before the Hermy’s announcement.
For those using a GPS, here is the address of the White Castle:
132 Route 37 East, Toms River, NJ 08753-6646
The return trip for me will be by the fastest route. That will be:
Route 37 to Route 70. (Traffic Circle)
Route 70 to Route 571 (left)
Route 571 to Route 537 (left -- Busy intersection)
Route 571 to I-195 (Right -- 1/2 mile)
I-195 to NJ Turnpike (about 10 fast miles)
NJ Turnpike to PA Turnpike (Exit 6)
Pa Turnpike to King of Prussia/Valley Forge Exit
Then Route 202 south to Boot Road
THIS RIDE IS WEATHER-PERMITTING ONLY. The weather for Saturday (at the moment) is partly sunny and 63º. It rain appears likely, check this blog or the Mac Pac list for an advisory no later than 7am.
Doug Braley is riding up from Virginia to make this run.
©Copyright Jack Riepe 2010
AKA The Lindbergh Baby (Mac Pac)
AKA Vindac8R (Motorcycle Views)
AKA The Chamberlain -- PS (With A Shrug)