Monday, May 26, 2008

My Riding Partner Is Down...

It’s 3am and I wondering how my pal Dick "Bermuda Triangle" Bregstein is doing in a hospital room some 60 miles away. Dick is my riding partner and he came away from a crash on Sunday morning with four broken ribs, a broken nose, and some lacerations on a leg. Ribs are passive bones. The kind of bones one doesn’t think much about until they are broken. In fact, they are the kind of nondescript bones that team up with equally nondescript muscles to assist in various inglorious functions that get one through the day... Functions like taking a piss and wiping one’s butt. One never realizes how simple things, such as putting on a pair of pants, require consensus from hundreds of hidden components, until that consensus is no longer assured.

I don’t know if Dick will attempt anything with his pants today. But I have a suspicion that he will try to take a piss at some point, and that he will discover the role his ribs play in the urination process. Nearly a year ago, Dick waited patiently outside an emergency room while the experts tried to determine the extent of my injuries. Dick had been in the saddle all day when I crashed (June 9, 2007), and it would be five hours more before he’d get to sleep. Yet he waited until he could talk to me personally, before riding off in the dark, in a strange town, three states away -- to find a hotel room.

I deeply regret that I wasn’t there to return the favor yesterday. Dick was riding with the "big kids" on Sunday.

There has been some speculation on what could have caused Dick to go off the road. The weather was good... The road was dry... And the circumstances were well within his competency. In time, the cause will be chalked up to algebra, physics, and metaphysics. It will be determined that the apex of the curve -- divided by the intensity of solar flare activity -- and multiplied by 22/7ths, aggravated the “Sausage Creature,” forcing Dick to leave the pavement.
Dick "Bermuda Triangle" Bregstein with his F800 BMW,
now totaled in yesterday's accident.

The “Song of the Sausage Creature,” written by the late Hunter S. Thompson focuses on speed. In truth, the song has many verses and the Sausage Creature changes shape from speed to distraction, from distraction to panic, and ultimately from the vertical to the horizontal. Yet the truth is that if you can hear the song, you are compelled to dance. In the opening lines of the “Song of the Sausage Creature,” Thompson writes, “There are some things nobody needs in this world, and a bright-red, hunch-back, warp-speed 900cc cafe racer is one of them - but I want one anyway, and on some days I actually believe I need one. That is why they are dangerous.”

No one really needs a blue BMW F800 either. The same way there is no justifiable need for romance, oxygen, sex, literature, or the change of seasons. Life without them though is the chorus of mediocrity. And I’d rather dance to the song of the Sausage Creature, then hum the tune of the walleyed zombie legions, safe in the numbness of their day-to-day lives.

I can hardly wait to see Dick again.

Sincerely,
Jack Riepe

11 comments:

Thumper said...

Oh man...a ton of Heal-Quick Mojo is being sent his way.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Thumper:

Mojo is an excellent India Pale Ale. I just happen to have a case on ice and will pour one right now.

Thanks for coming by,
Jack

Anonymous said...

Jack,
So sorry to hear about Dick's off-roading adventure. Reminds me of my own offroading adventure off Nantahala Skyway two years ago. Bikes are replaceable. I'll miss riding with and hearing of your adventures together. Ride and be safe to WV on the 29th. Off to Americade I am next week.

Tony

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Tony:

Dick is presently languishing in the Neuro Trauma Center of an intensive Care Unit. He sustained a head injury and the authorities have an interest in the fact that his head is apparently solid.

I spoke with him today and he is already planning on getting a new F800GS. It's to keep an enthusiastic Dick down.

Fondest regards,
Jack

Steel said...

Dick,

Here's wishing you a rapid, pain-free recovery - or at least plenty of good "medication" till you can ride again.

Sojourner rides said...

Jack, please let Dick, my fellow 800ST rider, know that my thoughts and prayers are for a full and quick recovery! I feel I know him through you! When he's better, I hope he can shed light on what he believes happened--a teachable moment for us.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Steve and Sharon:

Dick's goose is cooked for the summer. He was moved out of the neuro trauma center last night into a regular room and his injuries are not determined to be life threatening. However, it will be two months or longer before he can move around without pain and that will pretty much occupy his summer.

What is sad for me is that Dick is my shill for many stories and I will be without a straight man for the best part of the riding season.

Dick does claim he will get a new bike and that he is interested in a BMW F800GS. Knowing him, there will be a lot of riding in September.

Fondest regards,
Jack

MackBeemer said...

If the doc had given me a "fit to fly" rating, I might have been on that ride! Dick will ride again. And so will I.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Mack:

So what is your prognosis? I am going to draft a little something in your honor tonight, but I will leave the posting of it to be something of a surprise.

Fondest regards,
Jack

EZ Ryder said...

Jack, be safe on the upcoming road trip.
Our prayers are with Dick for a full recovery.

EZ Ryder PS 14

BMW-Dick said...

Dear Jack:
I just got around to reading this post of yours. Thank you for being my riding buddy, and to all who wished me well via this blog, offered prayers and mumbled curses, a big thank you. It's four month's since I taunted that boulder and lost. Physically I'm pretty much healed, wish I could say the same for the bike which was distressed into oblivion; I'd never seen crimped exhaust pipes before; actually I didn't see them that day either, because after head butting a house I'm told I passed out. I have no memory of the accident, but my good friends have provided me with a wonderful set of snapshots of the oiled boulder, crunched bike, ambulance, and the cop who gave me a ticket for just being me. I still have some "crunchies" in one shoulder, and the other one grabs once in a while, but two months of PT with a talented therapist have moved me over the starting line, and I'm looking for a bike, and I don't want to wait until Spring.
With the way Congress and Bankers have screwed up the economy, you'd think I'd be able to snatch up a bargain from a distressed dealer, but so far I haven't found any bargains or distressed dealers. It won't be long before Jack is trying to embarrass me again with his somewhat sketchy tales of our adventures. In the meanwhile, you'll have to just put up with his usual drivel.
Thanks again for the good wishes and prayers....they worked!