The author, left, and Dick Bregstein before Seneca Rocks on last year's ride.
Photo courtesy of Pete Buchheit who insists on photo credits.
©Copyright Pete Buchheit 2007
As you are all aware by now, a house ran out in front of Dick on Sunday and he is now munching prunes strapped to a bed pan. I understand Dick is the model patient and the hospital wants him to be happy, so they are bringing Chinese food in for him from the "Yellow Peril" restaurant, in Fancy Gap, Virginia. This is one of Dick's favorite places to eat. And now with the bedpan attached, he need fear no side effects.
Those of you familiar with my work are aware that Dick Bregstein usually plays a major role in punchline development. He has many skills but his strongest point lies in his ability to hold things with a deadpan expression on his face. That is why he so often appears "holding the bag" in my stories. Dick Bregstein, Pete Buchheit and myself had such a good time on our four-state extravaganza last year, that we immediately began planning this West Virginia tour. The original scheme called for Pete and Dick to abandon me at the beginning of each day's ride, meet me back at the house 6 hours later, and explain how they looked everywhere ahead of them for me.
That plan will have to be adjusted. Pete Buchheit will now have to follow behind me, reading a book or something, while I experience the joy of third gear. I am going to miss Dick dancing around in my mirrors on the long pull south and back. The truth is this trip is going to be a bit sedate without him. The evenings with our feet up before the fire, cocktails in hand, and cigars punctuating the conversation just won't be the same. The dinners, served by West Virginian beauties (wearing cut-off jeans and skimpy halter tops), will lack a certain element of animation, even followed by the traditional night cap shared by all in the hot tub.
But the fact is I am going to need a temporary shill for the time that Dick takes to heal. The ideal applicant must have Dick's better qualities: a) never tell you to slow down, b) never tell you to stop drinking, c) never tell you the waitress is actually a man. Plus the applicant must always be willing to believe it's his turn to buy. Looking at these qualities as I type them, however, I realize the odds of finding them all in one person are slim. So Dick is going to have to get better quick.
AKA The Lindbergh Baby (Mac-Pac)
AKA Vindak8r (Delphi)
AKA The Chamberlain -- PS (With A Shrug)