Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Pre-Ride Report -- Dickless Travel On A Motorcycle

On Thursday, May 29, the pre-dawn stillness will be shaken by the growl of a red K75, as I roar out of the driveway and head west on the first stage of a ride to Seneca Falls, West Virginia. It will be a long day in the saddle for me, nearly 325 miles, as I wind my way to a beautiful cabin situated on a stream in one of the most beautiful parts of the country. My gear was carefully chosen for the journey and is nearly packed. Yet I will be leaving without taking the most import thing essential to a good time -- Dick Bregstein.
The author, left, and Dick Bregstein before Seneca Rocks on last year's ride.
Photo courtesy of Pete Buchheit who insists on photo credits.
©Copyright Pete Buchheit 2007

As you are all aware by now, a house ran out in front of Dick on Sunday and he is now munching prunes strapped to a bed pan. I understand Dick is the model patient and the hospital wants him to be happy, so they are bringing Chinese food in for him from the "Yellow Peril" restaurant, in Fancy Gap, Virginia. This is one of Dick's favorite places to eat. And now with the bedpan attached, he need fear no side effects.

Those of you familiar with my work are aware that Dick Bregstein usually plays a major role in punchline development. He has many skills but his strongest point lies in his ability to hold things with a deadpan expression on his face. That is why he so often appears "holding the bag" in my stories. Dick Bregstein, Pete Buchheit and myself had such a good time on our four-state extravaganza last year, that we immediately began planning this West Virginia tour. The original scheme called for Pete and Dick to abandon me at the beginning of each day's ride, meet me back at the house 6 hours later, and explain how they looked everywhere ahead of them for me.

That plan will have to be adjusted. Pete Buchheit will now have to follow behind me, reading a book or something, while I experience the joy of third gear. I am going to miss Dick dancing around in my mirrors on the long pull south and back. The truth is this trip is going to be a bit sedate without him. The evenings with our feet up before the fire, cocktails in hand, and cigars punctuating the conversation just won't be the same. The dinners, served by West Virginian beauties (wearing cut-off jeans and skimpy halter tops), will lack a certain element of animation, even followed by the traditional night cap shared by all in the hot tub.

But the fact is I am going to need a temporary shill for the time that Dick takes to heal. The ideal applicant must have Dick's better qualities: a) never tell you to slow down, b) never tell you to stop drinking, c) never tell you the waitress is actually a man. Plus the applicant must always be willing to believe it's his turn to buy. Looking at these qualities as I type them, however, I realize the odds of finding them all in one person are slim. So Dick is going to have to get better quick.

Sincerely,
Jack Riepe
AKA The Lindbergh Baby (Mac-Pac)
AKA Vindak8r (Delphi)
AKA The Chamberlain -- PS (With A Shrug)

15 comments:

Sojourner rides said...

Jack, I hope you guys have a toast to Dick at each meal. Hey, ask for a third plate and put a little extra food on it for him. Bring back some tacky trinkets that remind you of him and give to him as a gift. I hope he's feeling better--sounds like he's being spoiled. He deserves it...

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Sharon:

Dick deserves everything he gets.

Fondest regards,
Jack

Jack Riepe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EZ Ryder said...

Jack, enjoy your trip eventhough Dick cannot make this one
EZ Ryder PS 14

Jack Riepe said...

Dave:

Without Dick, this trip will be more sedate and a lot more introspective. Then again, Pete will be forced to ride with me which could count as part of his time in purgatory.

Thanks for stopping by,
Jack

motonomad said...

Jack,
I realize, much too late, that I am relegated to being Bregstein's walk-on during our upcoming ride. I can hardly wait to see how my words and/or actions are misrepresented on your blog.
In retrospect, I'm not surprised that Dick went to the extent that he did to avoid four days of riding w/you.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Pete:

I am bringing a surrogate Dick -- Clyde Jacobs. What he lacks in Bregstein's comedic response he makes in good sense. Clyde was one of the riders in the great Centralia ride.

Fondest regards,
Jack Riepe

BMW-Dick said...

I'm being discharged --nay purged from the hospital.today. I think
My riding career will be resurrected by. August. Have a great time.
Dick

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Dick:

There is no need to rush things. You need to take time to heal properly. Plus, as Pete pointed out, we had a much better time with Clyde, who talks less and makes more sense when he does.

I think we are going to do this trip again in the fall, and there is every hope that you will be recovered enough to join us by then.

Fondest regards,
Jack

Jack Riepe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
motonomad said...

Jack,
In the photo of you and Dick in front of Seneca Rocks, Dick is standing in front of, not his bike, but mine. Although there may be several logical explanations for this, I like this one...
Since our bikes are both BMWs (blue and outfitted similarly), the unfortunate Dick, in the early stages of dementia of one form or another, thought this was his bike. This theory might lend credence to a popular theory being espoused concerning his recent accident: Maybe he mistook the huge boulder he hit for you.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Pete:

Getting a little cocky, aren't we? Especially as I haven't published my ride report on my blog about our little trip yet. Rest assured you will be mentioned in the dispatches, and get the appropriate photo credits too!


Fondest regards,
Jack

Steel said...

Motonomad,

Being targetted by Jack in one of his expose's is a badge of honor. If he treats you nicely he is setting you up for the eventual drive by shooting. If he splatters you across the pavement then you have been graced by His Excellency.

Now, how much do you think the above statment will delay the next BuRP Rally post?

BMW-Dick said...

Dear Jack, Pete, and Clyde:
You will never know how much I regret missing this trip. Had I not converted my F800ST into a chopper by folding the front forks in two directions, smashing six ribs, and having to be cut out of my summer riding gear I would have been there like a waitress on a tip. I have a three+ month recuperation ahead of me. Then the bike shopping starts ( there's aleays a bright side -- besides getting to ride with Clyde).
Hope to make the next big ride by the Fall.

Sojourner rides said...

Jack, a guy sounding suspiciously like your "friend" Dick, posted about his accident on the f800 forum. I figured it out that it was indeed your "friend." I emailed him to connect/ask. He claims to be one and the same, but he said you don't have any friends! :-( That's the thanks you get! I could tell he was just being bratty. What a character! Just thought you should know what's going on behind your back!

Btw, he's wrong. You got at least one friend that I know of...me!