A Tribute To The Brotherhood of Riders...

One of the biggest fallacies to be perpetrated in the face of a barely enduring mankind is the notion of a “brotherhood of riders.” While we make a big deal of slapping each other on the back and sticking together like “bros,” the sad truth is that many of us go through life regarding other bikers with a look of askance. If the other bikers are bigger and tougher, the look of askance is generally offered from a machine doing 90 miles per hour in the opposite direction. Full face helmets disguise the fact that we are not always smiling good naturedly. In most cases, when the typical Harley rider says he admires the perfection definitive BMW, what he really means is that he would consider shoving it up your ass if you need the factory-installed dash thermometer to tell your temperature. On the other hand, when a Beemer pilot says his next bike will be a Harley, he means if the other option is incurable clap.

In truth, the average bystander on the street would seldom suspect this competitive level exists because these are the opinions we share among our “own kind.” Only once did anyone ever say anything remotely challenging or insulting to me. It was over the gear I had on. A gorgeous woman astride a custom Sportster, enameled in form-fitting black leather from head to toe, said to me, “Despite all that armored gear you’ve got on, you’re gonna be in a world of hurt if you don’t take your hand off my ass.”

Apré riding leather ATGATT for any woman rider (Photo from the internet -- Click to enlarge)

The “brotherhood of riders” is clearly divided by a dozen issues, including the wearing of helmets, the use of mufflers, a preference for a type of oil, the necessity of protective gear, whether women bikers should be topless at least part of the time, and by the very marques we ride. The largest contingent by far -- the Harley crowd -- is further divided into real bikers and posers, just as the other lifestyle riders -- the BMW chosen -- are either demigods of distance, speed, and charm or douches. BMW douches are revealed by their manner of speech. If they ride a BMW and start a sentence with, “At our club’s bylaws meeting, last Saturday night...,” they are douches. (Bylaws? On a Saturday night?)

Further subsets within the “brotherhood” include the overwhelmingly numerous cruiser crowd, sport riders, sport tourers, Gold Wing-Abagos, racers and the “calamari” crew -- the S.Q.U.I.D. (So Quick Until I Die) school of thought. This last bunch are universally despised for the way they make the rest of us piss ourselves as they appear out of nowhere, enshrouded in the deafening scream of an engine in anguish, ripping through the gears and disappearing over the horizon in a split second. While their riding styles are genuinely annoying and bad for the overall image of biking (usually seen with the front wheel high in the air as the rider checks his email), they are really hated for the way they effortlessly attract tanned pillion candy and get laid at the drop of a bike.

And I haven’t even touched the fastest growing subset of the two-wheeled food chain yet. These are scooter riders, either buzzing through the country-side like locusts, or droning along in solitary contemplation of the fog, the odd tree, or the cloud that looks like Angelina Jolie in the shower. These tend to fall into two categories: Vespa riders, and Vespa Wannabes. The Vespa Wannabes ride one of 66 models of scooter made at the Hong Fat Scooter Works in Poontang, China. The average Vespa rider tries hard to live up to the machine’s equivalent of the Marlboro Man. This is a tobacco-chewing, singing Dominican nun with a guitar strapped on her back.

What is truly amazing that each of the categories represented in this story can be found in the “destinations” list of blog-sites to the right of this article. I can tell you without a doubt their authors represent some of the finest riders, and the most expressive two-wheeled writers, that I have come across. There is never a hint of marque-related animosity, or even a biased comparison of factory-installed equipment -- with one bizarre exception. I have even become friendly with a couple of these guys (or as friendly as my social standing as a BMW rider will allow). Reading their columns is a lot like reading a fresh motorcycle magazine every day. In fact, some of these folks are published in various motorcycle venues on a regular basis.

For those who like a more Teutonic bent on life, four of my favorite blogs are written by BMW riders.

• Those looking for thrice-weekly BMW adventure -- generally accompanied by breathtaking photographs are well advised to read “REDLEGS RIDES.” The author, Charlie6, has been published in the BMW MOA’s “Owners News,” does most of his own work, and rides a Ural along trails in the Rocky Mountains that would scare a goat. His pictures are routinely exceptional.

• Others of the traditional Beemer persuasion are directed to Sojourner’s Moto Tales. These are the reports of a Beemer pilot who rides incredible distances to support a unique historical perspective -- or for any other reason. She is a writer of piercing logic who occasionally leaves me bleeding or gasping for facts.

• Rogers George is a member of the Mac Pac, and is one of the truly guile-free individuals I have ever met. A dedicated BMW rider, his blog -- Mushrooms To Motorcycles -- is like a return to Mayberry, RFD. He is a technical writer by trade, and his work is technically perfect. Just imagine Romeo and Juliet as written by the Verizon technical department... But it is so soothing and free of poison. And Rogers is one of these guys who will jump on his bike and knock off a 1,000 miles like it was nothing.

• Keep the Rubber Side Down is written by Rick Slark, a BMW rider and a true biker aficionado. Slark produces a no-nonsense blog that often follows the racing circuit, news items that impact all riders, and related issues.

I am proud to list a number of great Harley sites on my “destinations” list too. They espouse the essence of riding as it has been forged in Milwaukee, since the ‘twenties. They are:

• Electra Glide In Blue is an interesting resource on a number of levels, ranging from technical, anecdotal, news, and the occasional heart-warming story, complete with “from-the-heart” commentary that typifies the depth of colloquial American expressions. The author is a total pisser.

• Fast Hair is a Harley site that encompasses a broad range of interest from bikes to cars, to computers, to ride reports, to good advice, and the occasional passing fancy. It’s written in a highly personable tone that makes the reader feel they’ve known the author for a long time.

• Allen Madding’s Musings are the personal perspectives of a biker ironist. These highly literate, highly-condensed observations focus on the irony of life, and occasionally wander over to include some unique photography, or issues taken from the headlines, and other sites.

• Ms. M’s Place is billed as the rants of a Harley Chick. She describes herself as, “a weird 40-year-old chick in the East Bay who wears stilettos and skirts by day, leathers by night.” Nothing weird about that in my opinion. In fact, it sounds like somebody finally read what I put in the suggestion box. She writes highly mystical interpretations of her thoughts, feelings and impressions.

The “cruiser” crowd is represented by:

• Midlife Motorcycle Madness, written by Torch, is as collection of rider reports, gear recommendations, philosophical summaries, good advice, and personal observations. One of his gear assessments led me to purchase a pair of riding boots from Bates shoes.

• The View From Over The Handlebars, by Lance, is an eclectic bunch of stories about 90 percent of which entail some direct aspect of motorcycles. The other 10 percent is about travel, personal observations, and mid-live developments. Lance is well-traveled, well-read, and well-mounted on Bonneville America.

The cruiser, sport bike and Japanese Touring Sector is represented on this list by two entrants:

• Musings of an Intrepid Commuter are not only the personal observations of a professional riding instructor (to the masses and the police), they often contain tips and guides to high-level riding techniques. Written by IronDad (Dan), his work is a careful balance of ride reports, his thoughts on a variety of subjects, or answers to readers’ questions. Dan occasionally goes beyond reader expectation and details fundamentals that repeatedly turn up in his classes. He is a strong proponent of increased proficiency for all riders.

• Motorcycle Views is the brainchild of moto-chronicler and journalist Walter Kern. It is actually a portal to another site that offers a newsletter, photos, research and advice, as well as a running forum with hundreds of members. The site covers all kinds of bikes and riders. It was Walter Kern who published my first motorcycle story.

The scooter crowd, many of whom ride all kinds of bikes, are strongly represented here. Their perspective is certainly worth noting and the “experts” I have posted offer a good deal of food for thought.

• A Scooter In Turkey is a near daily account of John McClane’s experiences on the road (paved or otherwise) in Turkey. His pictures are a remarkable depiction of life in a small Turkish seacoast village, with forays elsewhere.

• Scooter In The Sticks was the reason I started a blog. Written by a guy named “Steve,” SITS offers thought-provoking photography (generally involving a Vespa), accompanied by soothing text of a strong philosophical nature. I started out to copy his style. It appears I was not successful as no readers ever claim I am mystical or inspiring. In fact, several have threatened suit.

• Premeditated Scootin is the evolution of a rider, “CPA3485,” who recently decided that life on an an environmental scooter was the way to go for him. “Jim” also decided to find others of his ilk and organized them into a cadre, that takes rides throughout a certain corner of the midwest. I find his writing refreshingly “clean” and loaded with nuance.

Then there are the “switch hitters,” guys who alternate between scooters and bikes at the drop of a hat.

• Bobskoot jumps between a scooter and V-Strom in his online column “bobskoot: wetcoast skooting.” His range is throughout British Columbia and parts of the US northwest. He is a photographer with a semi-professional bent, who carefully documents his rides with accurate photographs. He is also capable of humor that requires strategy and vengeance.

And that leaves one.

• Key West Diary is the “Seinfeld” of all biker blogs. The author, a guy named Conchscooter (Michael), either rides his wife’s Vespa or his own Triumph Bonneville around the environs of Key West, reporting on the architecture, the weather, the plants, the little deer, the residentially challenged, politics, and an occasional ride to the mainland. Nothing and everything in Key West is fodder for his blog. Of all the blogs listed on the right, this one has the broadest scope as the author has no editorial objective for each piece, which in turn gives him the greatest editorial leverage. And he exercises this leverage with a minimum of verbiage, though his posts are loaded with literary spice. You cannot print one out without replacing the toner in your printer with vitriol. His photography, however, focuses on lizards, birds, litter, elderly cruise ship escapees, homeless people, Cuban sandwiches, dark streets, homeless people, and small beaches with fully-clothed investment bankers sitting on on them.

Recently, Conchscooter was kind enough to do a brief pictorial essay titled, “What Jack Sees,” or something like that. He implied that I go through life attempting to find the perfect naked woman, scantily-clad woman, or suggestively-clad woman of the day, or hour, depending on the circumstances. While that may be true, I have my standards. I have promised the readers of this blog that it will always have pure, unadulterated motorcycle content, without resorting to cheap gimmicks or tricks.

To prove it, I respectfully submit the following pictorial exercise. These photographs were taken for me by Mac Pac rider/member Jim Ellenberg, at a track event over in New Jersey. Each picture offers strong subliminal biking messages.

Photo #1
This shot illustrates the adventures of young Drew Johnson, and his efforts to avoid skin cancer by staying out of the sun. At first, it appears that bike content is secondary to the plight of Mr. Johnson.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to really enlarge)

Photo #2
A detail taken from the shot above, we can clearly see the woman is wearing jewelry fashioned from an Indian Head nickel. The “Indian” was one of the finest motorcycles of its day.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to really enlarge)

Photo #3
Determined to stay out of the sun, the inventive Mr. Johnson has introduced himself to a second source of shade.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to enlarge)

Photo #4
A close up of photo #3 reveals that Mr. Johnson is supporting a motorcycle facility in California through the logo on his shirt, thereby providing great solidarity to the industry at a time when things are just hanging in the air.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to enlarge)

Photo #5
Here we see the intrepid Mr. Johnson, still dodging the sun, but wondering if his right hand is getting all the protection it needs. Too bad the nice Honda lady doesn’t have a back pocket. But bikes to the right and left of this enthusiastic couple are the most obvious support for this two-wheel passion.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to enlarge)

Photo #6
Once again, a detail taken from the shot above simply reinforces the message that Honda is here to stay.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to enlarge)

Photo #7

It is always important to carry the right insurance on your bike. A lesson Mr. Johnson will have to learn.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to enlarge)

Photo #8

Gratuitous shot of a guy's ass at a moto event... Yup. That's what it is.

(Phot0 by Jim Ellenberg -- Click to enlarge)


This introduction to the Brotherhood of Biking and a guide to great blogs was presented as a public service by Twisted Roads. I can't do enough for you.

©Copyright Jack Riepe 2009
AKA The Lindbergh Baby (Mac Pac)
AKA The Vindak8r (Motorcycle Views)
AKA The Chamberlain -- PS (With A Shrug)