Humor With Balls —
The Best Christmas Gift Anyone Could Ask For
Outside of a motorcycle, nothing defines character, rugged individualism, and contempt for the conventions of society like smoking a great cigar. Yet the cigar-smoking elite mask their behavior with ostentatious ritual, unwieldy traditions, and bizarre paraphernalia designed to confound lesser Alpha dogs.This outraged author Jack Riepe, who lit his first cigar in the third grade, after first asking Sister Helen Brimstone for a light from hers.
Above: The funniest book on specialized human behavior, 30 chapters, 178 pages
In Politically Correct Cigar Smoking For Social Terrorists, Riepe puts cigar-smoking in perspective, and relates it to love (getting laid), making romance last (how to pretend to listen), and the manly arts (hunting, fishing, spitting, and public speaking). Critically acclaimed, this book improves the quality of at least one life with every sale.*
Politically Correct Cigar Smoking For Social Terrorists is more than just the funniest damn book ever written about cigars. It's a unique perspective on romance, politics, economics, science and America's hottest new trend -- cigar smoking. Winner of the Wilmington Institute of Holistic Dry Cleaning's prestigious “Golden Hand Grenade Award” (for advice on relationship building in third and fourth marriages), this book offers a rare insight into subhuman nature. Author and humorist Jack Riepe spared neither himself, nor anyone else, in a desperate bid to tell his side of 30 outrageous stories.
Plus this book answers the lingering questions that plague day-to-day living...
Chapters 1 & 5: The Link Between Motorcycles, Cigars, and Romantic Encounters
Chapter 12: Making an Exit When The Babe Dumps You For Some Other Loser
Chapter 14: Guaranteed Strategies For Getting That “Special” Father’s Day Gift
Chapter 15: Guaranteed Household Chore Escape Techniques
Chapter 22: Taking The Human Sacrifice Out Of The Cigar Lighting Ritual
Chapter 30: Clever Responses to “Why Don’t You Put That Out?”
This book comes with a Million Dollar Guarantee!
If you don’t like it, send the author $1 Million Dollars...
And he will rewrite it any way you like — Guaranteed!
On The Investment Nature Of This Book:
It is a well-known fact that objects d’art and books increase in value when the artist or author dies. Now Jack Riepe is feeling pretty good at the moment, but at the rate former wives and elected officials would like to kill him, it’s just a matter of time before your modest expenditure on Politically Correct Cigar Smoking For Social Terrorists becomes a profitable investment.
Offered at $25 (plus $3 S&H) — With a Bonus Personalized Gift Autograph!
Not only a great gift, but great holiday sentiment too!
If you plan to give a copy of this soul-healing book to a spouse, lover, close friend, riding buddy, or someone who threw you a fast pop at closing time, the author will autograph it and include a warm personalized message from you to the recipient at no extra charge!
Example: Breg Dickstein has ordered a book for his friend Bobby Heaver. Riepe might write: Dear Bobby Heaver — Dick Bregstein says all you’ve been reading is diet books since they used the “Jaws of Life” to pull the Harley out of your ass. Here is one book dealing with the joy of excess, without the calories.
Order two books at $45 ($6 S&H), and get one autographed to yourself!
Now you can buy copies on Amazon (new ranging in price from $43 to $160, and used from $14 bucks), but the sale of each book purchased directly from the author goes toward women met in bars, gas for his bike, cheap cigars and Irish whiskey. In essence, it’s a stimulus package.
Email your full name and address to firstname.lastname@example.org, plus a phone number (very important if you are ordering a personalized gift copy). Mark the e-mail: Cigar Book Christmas Gift -- Rush. Indicate if the book is a gift for yourself or a gift.
If you are ordering a gift copy, include the full name of the recipient, plus a line or two about the individual. (ex: He rides a Harley; She sucks at golf; He smokes cigars like a chimney; He reads Twisted Roads all the time;) Spelling is critical, make sure you get it right.
Books are shipped with an invoice, (I trust bikers) and come with an enclosed, pre-stamped, addressed envelope. (Shipped to US and Canada only, sorry. Payment is in US dollars.)
Please be advised that Jack Riepe is a paranoid prick and would never share, or sell, consumer information.
* The author’s.