Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Breakfast In The Bed Of Hell... And A Glimpse Of The Future!

Just as the full moon will pull the tide across the beach or turn werewolves into accountants and lawyers, the third Sunday of every month draws the cream from Pennsylvania’s motorcycling riding elite to the Pottstown Family Diner, as the Mac Pac (the state's premier chartered BMW riding Club) convenes for breakfast. Thirty riders from towns and hamlets covering 1400 square miles of the “Keystone” state converged on this legendary greasy spoon on February 21st, to suck up eggs, bacon, ham, and hash — all floating in small puddles of liquified lard.

Like bears periodically coming out of a cave to piss or scratch during a forced hibernation, it was evident the winter had been hard on this group of primarily Teutonic two-wheeled aces. Growls and roars were exchanged as these veteran riders slammed their empty coffee cups on the chipped formica tables, shooting the beleaguered waitresses looks that demanded sustenance, such as it was. The diner’s owner, a man of experience and action, dragged in a trough from out back and filled it with the customary breakfast slops.

Hot coffee was sprayed over the group with a garden hose.

During the brief lull in which nothing could be heard but slurps of contentment, Mac Pac Gruppen-meister Brian Curry attempted to call the group to order. He did this by addressing the mass of riders through a talking moose head on a stick. (I shit you not.) In the middle of Curry’s impassioned effort to get everyone’s attention, a voice from the back of the room — it may have been Ken Bruce’s — yelled, “Open season on Moose.” The air was instantly thick with diner detritus, as Curry ducked and bobbed the impromptu onslaught.

(Above) Patches of ice did not deter 10 riders from coming into the recent Mac Pac Monthly Breakfast on their bikes. The machine of choice for the day was the mighty BMW GS. Photo by the author.

Club business was mercifully short as there were no guests to announce, no pressing projects, nor issues to discuss. Jack Riepe made a feeble attempt to announce the 2nd Annual Slider Ride to a White Castle Hamburger joint 98 miles distant in Toms River, NJ (March 20th), but the group received this information with the same enthusiasm they would have expressed for a barium enema.

(Above) Cute blonde Sue Cavanaugh, wife of Gerry Cavanaugh (despised Mac Pac Coordinator for BMW MOA's Mileage Contest) barely gives this magnificent silver BMW GS the time of day. Ugly as a bowling shoe, the BMW GS remains the marque's best seller. Photo by the author.

The first Annual Slider Ride was conducted two years ago, to commemorate Riepe’s 54th birthday. The purpose of the ride was to hit the nearest White Castle, where Riepe (who is openly addicted to these grit burgers of death), purchased 54 of them to distribute to the crowd. The Mac Pac demonstrated their deep affection for Riepe by boycotting the event. Only Don Eilenberger of the New Sweden BMW Riders (that's in New Jersey) and Tony Luna, of Motorcycle Views, met Riepe in Toms River. (Both later admitted they attended soley to meet women, an objective that was not realized.) Eilenberger presented Riepe with a genuine Rolodex watch (that ran on a "D" battery), and Luna got the shits from the sliders before he left the White Castle parking lot.

"How could we let that poor bastard ride all the way from Pennsylvania to celebrate his birthday alone, at a White Castle," said Eilenberger at the time. "It's just not the BMW rider way. If Tony Luna and I hadn't of shown, Riepe would have spent the afternoon sitting on the curb, with that face buried in a blue and white bag full of lard wafers. He'd have done better to get arrested someplace."

"Riepe is a natural born tragic figure," said Tony Luna that afternoon. "You have to wonder about his early home life if he spends the whole year looking forward to a nosebag of beef shavings. Rumor has it he was abandoned at an SPCA shelter when he was three, and raised there until he was 17."

(Above) Jay Scales and his gleaming BMW. Just a scant second before this picture was snapped, Scales had been standing with a crowd of Mac Pac riders. "All of you get in the picture," I said. "Let him show his wife he has friends." This picture was the result of that request. Photo by the author.

Ten members opted to ride into the event, cheating certain death on curves and shaded stretches of pavement where ice was still prevalent — especially at that hour of the morning. The majority of these guys rode mighty GS bikes, the armored vehicles of the motorcycle world. These riders included Jim Robinson, Andy Terrill, Jay Scales, Alain Kaldewaay, and Ken Bruce. Bruce Heilman pulled up on his royal K1200LT, the BMW motorcycle that weighs 26,000 pounds — and it was absolutely immaculate, without a hint of salt dust on a black finish that was the equal of an attorney’s soul. Legendary distance rider Doug Raymond was also in attendance on his familiar red “R” bike.

Let the record show that during the bloodbath that passed for breakfast, I overheard Doug Raymond tell someone (it may have been Horst Oberst), that he should share his stories with a competent writer, “a serious one.” He raised his eyebrows at me as he uttered these words, and the man meant them to sting. Singed for the moment, I turned away, and dreamed of my revenge.

Above) The ECO Mobile remains the most distinctive of any enclosed motorcycle design, hitting impossibly high speeds in a near aerodynamically perfect shell, propelled by a BMW motorcycle engine. Photo by the author.

Yet the big story for this Mac Pac breakfast was the final bike to arrive — the magnificent ECO Mobile, piloted by Tom Mohn, and his wife Kathy. Fully enclosed and supported by landing gear, the ECO mobile will hit speeds of up to 150 miles per hour, powered by a BMW K1200 engine and commanded by many of the original BMW K1200 bike controls. The machine cost over $80,000 (USD) in 2002 and was the first of its kind in the United States. (Now there are two.)

Amazingly enough, it was the first motorcycle ever owned or ridden by Tom Mohn.

Mohn first became aware of the development of the ECO Mobile in 1994, when he saw it on the Discovery Channel. Intrigued, he contacted the folks at the Discovery Channel, and eventually traveled to Switzerland to get a demo ride. He was hooked on the concept, took the specialized training, and ordered his machine — which took a year to build.

(Above) The left profile of Tom Mohn's ECO Mobile, sporting its new celestial paint job by Tricked Out Custom Cycles of Warminster. Photo by the author.

Mohn has admitted to dropping the ECO Mobile on a number of occasions. Yet a pair of hull sliders in the front and the exposed landing gear tires in the rear prevent the bodywork from coming into serious contact with the ground. The company that designed and built the ECO Mobile — Peraves — has a video that demonstrates a maneuver by which the rider can raise the machine by manipulating the steering and gunning the engine. Mohn professes not to have yet mastered that maneuver.

(Above) The right profile shot of the ECO Mobile details the air intake and the landing gear well. Photo by the author.

Originally shipped in a shade of white, Mohn recently commissioned a stellar custom paint for the ECO by Tricked Out Custom Cycles of Warminster, Pa.

(Above) The front office of the ECO Mobile is reminescent of a fighter jet. Many of the BMW bike controls are retained. Note the exquisite leather seat. Photo by the author.

“I have been a doctor of dental medicine and a scientist all my life,” said Tom Mohn (in an exclusive interview with Twisted Roads). “I have had a deep fascination with space and instructed Amanda, one of the graphic artists at TOCC, to come up with a celestial design to match the colors and composition of space with the fluid dynamics of the ECO Mobile. Her finished work is a tribute to the space shuttle, the Hubble telescope, the international space station and the crab nebula. The distinctive design even includes an orange stripe for enhanced visibility.”

(Above) A detail of the ECO Mobile's right profile. This machine is cool. Even the turn signals were smoked to blend in with the paint scheme. Photo by the author.

Since he never owned a motorcycle before taking title to the ECO Mobile, Mohn had no bad habits to unlearn. In fact, the only motorcycle he can ride is the ECO Mobile. Instead of attempting to drop his feet when stopped at a light, Mohn hits a button that drops the landing gear. “When riding on the back of Kathy’s Honda Aero Shadow, I subconsciously find myself attempting to lower the back wheels.” On the other hand, Kathy recently completed her ECO Mobile training and still finds herself attempting to drop her feet at a light.

(Above) I asked ECO Mobile pilot Tom Mohn to take me for a ride. "In your dreams, fat boy," he said, pulling away. Photo by the author.

The ECO Mobile is fully air conditioned, heated, and defrosted. It has a nice stereo and since it is built of bulletproof Kevlar®, the riders do no need to wear helmets. The pilot’s side comes with a belted harness.

©Copyright Jack Riepe 2010
AKA The Lindbergh Baby (Mac Pac)
AKA Vindak8r (Motorcycle Views)
AKA The Chamberlain — PS (With A Shrug)

Twisted Roads Blog Episodes to Be Posted Every Monday And Thursday... Except Today

The Management of Twisted Roads apologizes for the delayed publication date of this blog, which was supposed to be out yesterday. The worthless turds that constitute our editorial staff, coupled with the useless human trash in the blog composing department, tied on a shitter yesterday, prior to going on a rampage. The police were called, and gained access to our offices only after firing tear gas into the windows. Despite upper management's instructions to shoot to kill, no causualties were reported. Scabs were called in to get this episode out this morning.

Twisted Roads regrets the inconvenience. Every reader who feels they were inconvenienced should indicate so in the comments section. Their names will go into a special drawing for a complimentary collection of 5 great motorcycle bandana's — all new. To leave a "comment," click on the little word "comment" (which is generally preceeded by a number). If your identification is not accepted, select "anonymous" and leave your full name at the bottom of your message. I can't do one more thing to kiss readers' asses as far as this issue is concerned.

Twisted Roads


Anonymous said...

Jack -you cut me to the quick! I never said, "In your wildest dreams, Fat Boy!" Wilder than your best wet dream, maybe, but never "fat boy". Bruce McKelvy and others who exceed 335 lbs dry weight have ridden comfortably in the passenger seat. On another note, the uprighting maneuver you refer to can be seen at the 3:37 mark of "Moving Forward" at www.youtube.com/crkuhns. It's a move that not only seems to defy physics, but to violate it. Thanks for the great story, O Serious Writer!
Eco Tom

PGRochin said...

O great one of glib composure, your blog is hailed by one envious of your skill and an avid reader each time the blog appears. Any inconvenience is overcome by the great anticipation of reading another momentous entry on Twisted Roads. Hail to your fan Jim Ellenberg for introducing me to such eminent commodity. Thanks for the unparalled writing and the recommendations for great cuisine...Otto's comes first to mind.

Peter Rochin

Conchscooter said...

The idea of seeing a picture of you stuck in that BMW death trap is worth coming to Pennsylvania for. I will bring my camera.
Do they have alligators out back at the diner? I saw no palm trees so this may not be a suitable place for me to order grunts 'n' grits (Great Depression food in the Keys).
I saw lots of GS's so I assume thgere must be a fair bit of off roading to get to the cafe. I hope I will be able to manage. Perhaps I should stay home?

Encapsulated, Ihor said...

I've seen but one enclosed two wheeler some 15 years ago in Trenton off the Whitehorse Circle. It may have been the other one.
A ride for you would have been a thrill, like being a Gemini astronaut.

I take it that Pottstown Family Diner isn't a paid advertiser,... yet?

Jack Riepe said...

Dar Tom:

If I weighed 335 pounds, I'd write a successful diet book. I am delighted that you found today's bog episode insightful and to the point. I look forward to getting a ride in your ECO Mobile when there is a nearby boarding stair, and a couple of Mac Pac guys to help me step over the gunwale.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Peter Rochin:

Jim Ellenberg is a man of great taste and literary appreciation. He has introduced me to to some of the greatest riders and motorcycle celebrities of this age. I will never forget the day he brought me down to Chris Carr's pits, and told Mr. Carr that I was a biker of unquestionable skill.

Like what kind of skill asked Carr?

"He can get us coffee," said Big Jim

"Then what's stopping him," queried Carr.

Ellenberg handed me two bucks and told me to keep the change. But he held my cane as a hostage until I got back.

I am delighted that you read my blog often and claim to actually anticipate my next piece.You have no idea what that means to a writer. Generally I just hear from people who think I represent the fall of western literary civilization. They throw rocks at me from Key West, and imply that I am fat.

Your letter was like a day at seashore for me today.

Thank you for reading my blog, and for writing in.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Conch (Michael Beattie):

There are no alligators around the Pottstown Family Diner, but with the Mac Pac, alligators would be regarded as "softer company."

Did you notice that prominent among the controls on the ECO Mobile was a beautiful BMW tachometer? In fact, every bike in parking lot had one. That alone may upset you to a degree as these are regarded as "factory standard."

You wil manage just fine here in savage Pennsylvania. The guys will be delighted to meet you. The chef at the Pottstown Family Diner claims he does something that resembles grunts and grits, incorporating stewed prunes and scrapple. The dish is called "Grunts and Grimmace," and is named for the somewhat painful eliminations that accompany this culiniary delight.

It seems the active ingredient in "Grunts and Grits" is a bait fish called the "grunt" for the sound it makes when expiring. Quite frankly, I get a warm and cozy feeling envisioning you walking around the public piers, raiding bait buckets.

Thank you for reasingf my blog, and for contributing exciting tidbits of data that add to its color.

Fondst regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Ihor:

Fifteen years ago would have been a bit premature for an ECO Mobile sighting. There have been plans to enclose motorcycles, however, since the '30s. The serial number of Tom Mohn's machine is 79, indicating it is the 79th unit built. If I recall correctly, the other unit, which belongs to ECO Dan, another acquaintance of mine, is 62.

I have a picture of myself explaining the controls of ECO Dan's unit to Chris Carr. Since you have never been on a motorcycle, I would have asked Tom to take you for a spin in this thing had you been at breakfast last week.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

cpa3485 said...

It would seem that breakfast fare to the eastern PA BMW club is similar to the affinity that the Wichita Twisters Club has for donuts. We have met a couple of times at a local, and unique, eatery that offers up such specialties as the maple bacon donut. I know, it sounds wierd, but is actually quite tasty. Maybe bacon is the commonality between our clubs.
That ECO Mobile is quite a machine. But I have to counter along with Conch that tachometers are overrated.
I may have complained before about the tardiness of some of your posts, but will never admit to it again. This was a fun read and well worth the wait (almost).

Unknown said...

Jackie "r"IEPiE:

While the ECO is a rare machine I think I would rather have the wind in my face. I would be worried that I didn't put the outriggers down in time . . .

For your next birthday (in April) can you pick a restaurant closer to Bellingham or Seattle, that way the rest of us on the Coast will be able to enjoy a hamburger or two on your tab.

bobskoot: wet coast scootin

Jack Riepe said...

Dear CPA3485 (Jimbo):

The woman I live with and the love of my life, Stiffie/Leslie, is emphatic that the food served at the Pottstown Family Diner is closest she has ever come to eating unprocessed garbage in her life. She swears that instead of hving the dumpster emptied, this restaurant gets theirs filled.

In truth, Pennsylvania has some of the absolute worst diners in the country. They simply don't get it. The state with the best diners in the country is New Jersey. You walk in, you get a table or a booth, and you get a cup of hot coffee in your hand faster than you can whistle Dixie. And regardless if you order a cheeseburger deluxe or a roasted duck, you'll have it in seven minutes. In New Jersey, the waitress will call you "hon," give you a smile, and have big tits to boot.

Yet I love the Pottstown Family Diner, and so do the rest of these guys. They pretend to be happy to see us, they give us a private room, they give us a special section in the parking lot, and they give us a private entrance too. Then again, there are 70 or 80 of us on a nice day. There is nothing like a greasy spoon diner breakfast on a Sunday morning. How I love 'em.

I can understand how you could feel that a tach is highly overrated... This is often the case when the motor runs out of breath at 65 miles per hour, or otherwise has nothing to show you on an analog gauge face. The K75 engine uses a tach to tell you that 7.5 grand in second gear is just fine, for a 15-year-old bike.

And in Conch's case, the Bonneville wouldn't benefit from anything that might compromise that timeless Amish design.

I'm glad you liked this piece. I had fun writing it and enjoyed getting a look at the ECO Mobile up close. Tom and Kathy Mohan are fun folks, and the Mac Pac is always good for laughs. I like covering real events, and am loking forward to some real riding. But I understand we are supoosed to get another 6/12 inches of snow on Friday.

Thank you for reading my blog, and for writing in.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Bob Skoot:

The $80,000 price tag for the ECO Mobile is likely to prevent it from becoming a fad or a viable riding alternative any time soon. But as Tom Mohan explains it, this vehicle provides aii the thrills of two-wheeled riding excitement, while offering enhanced practicality of being uneffected by the weather.

A long as the engine is running, the temperature in the machine will be Key West perfect, and the rider/driver will not have operating fatigue compounded by cold, wet clothing.

Tom tells me that the ECO's operating characteristics provide a unique feeling in the handlebars that remind the operator to drop the landing gear. And again, there is a maneuver that flips this thing right up.

It is sort of like the next generation Ural.

I was delighted to write about this as the Mac Pac really provides a unique opportunity to mingle with some unusual riders.

Thank you for reading my blog, and for writing in.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Anonymous said...

Dear Jack:

Can I call you Jack, or do your prefer "Reep?" No one ever seems to call you "Toad," in any off your earlier blog posts. I want some advice.

My boyfriend wants to get a motorcycle in the worst way. But the "worst way" is how he usually does things. He really is a sweet guy and I love him dearly, but riding a motorcycle is so not his style.

But it is the style of this guy he works with, who I'm going to call "Al," (not his real name). Al rides a vintage "Guzzi," wears vintage style gear, and melts a woman's resolve in a vintage style way. He's bent me over the pool table a couple of times when my boyfriend was passed out on the back deck, after telling everyone how he was going to ride to California, or Alaska, or Mexico on a bike he doesn't even have yet.

My boyfriend can barely clutch his own balls in the shower, let alone work the clutch and all those other levers, pedals, and buttons on a motorcycle. While I'm not proud of what's happened with me and "Al," I don't want my boyfriend to get hurt.

I've read most of your entire blog episodes over the past two weeks and you seem to know what you're about. I thnk it might be a great idea if my boyfriend could come to one of your group's breakfasts and meet some of the guys. They could give him some advice on a bike to get, the classes he should take, and maybe even ride with him.

Would that be a major imposition? I don't want "Al" hanging around the house any more than he already has.


Jack Riepe said...

Dear M.:

I must caution you that this is a very public forum. The information you have already shared will be read by hundreds of people, including many of the guys who I would presumably introduce to your boyfriend. While the Mac Pac would meet the qualifications to be described as a "league of gentlemen," the details of your communication, howsoever heart-wrenching, are likely to color their opinion of your boyfriend's character.

Also, while I would like to assist you in any way possible, none of my fellow Mac Pac members would presume to steer a new rider through the very basic question as to whether he should be riding at all. The motivation for riding a motorcycle is a personal thing at best.

At the very least, I would suggest you contact me directly at my personal e-mail address:

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Electra Glide In Blue said...

A couple of questions…
Just how much did you have to pay Tom for the exclusive interview?
Do you know of any scabs working out of Denver?
Did you get a new camera?

Jack Riepe said...

Dear EGIB (Jeff):

Tom is gentle guy with a very private demeanor. He was delighted to let me write this story owing to my professional nature, my ability to encapsulate the emotion of the moment (without editorializing) and my ability to substitute random factual analysis in place of bothersom detail.

I'm starting a company called Editorial Scabs "R" Us. Tell me you need a good PR guy. I can clear my calendar in 90 seconds for cash.

I 'm thrilled that you think I got a new camera. What I did was simply run the pictures through iPhoto on my computer, using the edit and adjust options to lighten them up and get ride of annoying shadows.

It felt good to be out with bikers again.

I will begin some minor maintenance on my motorcycle next week. I plan to be on the road in about 14 days.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad
Twisted Roads

Gary5410 said...

I had to laugh at the part about trying to put feet down in the ECO Mobile. It reminided me of a friend of mine who rode his beemer forever with a sidecar attached. One day he decided to take the sidecar off for some repairs. The next day he went out for a ride and proceeded to stop at the 1st traffic light and promptly fall flat on his side with his feet planted firmly on the pegs! He was so embarrassed and wondered what the "cagers" could possibly be thinking! Habits die hard!!!

Nikos said...

*** statement of inconvenience ****
Dear Jack, I feel that I should indicate the severe incovenience caused by the Lufthansa pilot's strike that occasioned my severe discomfort at being driven from Vienna to Wiesbaden in a shitty old VW van driven by a half mad Greek (BMW K100LT rider - his only redeeming feature)having attended a wedding there. The late publication of your blog is the icing on the stale carrot cake that resembles my life curently.
That having been said, any chance of a superior quality TR T shirt size XL? I have too many bandanas already.
Love the blog as always (despite the derogatory comments on the GS), yours sincerely N

Anonymous said...

Great show Jack!!

I just sent a post to the British FF Streamliners group with a link to your blog so they can see the new ECO livery.

They enjoy ribald humor as much as we do, so don't be surprised if you get new hate mail for insulting Royalty or Beefeaters with fuzzy hats.


Electra Glide In Blue said...

Thanks for the warning about hitting the road in about 14 days, should I get a room ready for ya?

Doug R1150RT said...

Dear Jack,
Thanks for yet another serious and competent piece of writing.

Doug R

redlegsrides said...

Jack, great post as always....

I must confess, I've never had a White Castle Burger to which you are apparently addicted.

Great pics of the ECO vehicle, saw it on some "discovery or science channel" show once, it looked like a lot of fun. I saw that crack you made about it being the "next generation of Ural". To which I will say that Ural is still struggling with a gearbox that can handle the output of engines larger than 750cc, so enclosing their bikes in aerodynamics is not even contemplated till 2050 at the earliest.

Someday, I'd love to participate in one of these Mac-Pac breakfasts...in spite of what the lovely Leslie says of their food...after all, I've survived Army food. Sounds like one has to keep ATGATT though at the table.

Cheers and may you get to ride before the end of the month!

Correctively, Ihor said...

Perhaps it was less than 9 years ago when I spied the clad motorcycle. In any case my to-do list has riding on a dromedary, a zeppelin, a killer whale, and an ornithropter before a motorcycle. Priorities, priorities, but thanks for the offer.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Gary 5410 (?):

I try hard to keep faces and names together in my mind as I write responses to the comments on my blog. Are you Gary Christman, the globetrotting BMW GS rider? And if so, am I going nuts or have you changed your online signature a couple of times?

I have heard two variations on your sidecar story. The first is a joke. Why do Washington, DC cops still ride around with sidecars on their Harleys? So they don't fall over at stop signs, traffic ights, and intersections.

A Twisted Roads reader and Harley pilot tlod me about a friend of his, who never rode two wheels, but always had a trike. He was at a party one night, had half a bag on, and found himself in a situation where a Yamaha rider in the same condition insisted he try a big Yamaha to see how superior they were. The trike rider maintained he wouldn't like it. The Yamaha rider pushed him into it.

Well, you guessed it. The trike rider never put his feet down and the Yamaha fell over at the end of the driveway. There are a million stories for each two or three-wheeled situation.

Thank you for reading my blog, and for writing in.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Nikos:

I will be delighted to toss your name into the lottery of Twisted Roads readers who felt inconvenienced by the late publication of this blog on Tuesday. So far, there are 12,000 names in the hat.

As it happens, I only have Twisted Roads Tees in one size now, and they are XL (which is your size). IOf you legitimately win the contest, I will send you a shirt, but you must pay the postage.

On the other hand, if you want to fork over $22 to my girl's Pay Pal account, I'll split the postage to Britain on the shirt. But then you must send me a picture of yourself wearing the shirt for my rogue's gallery.

There's a deal for you!!!

Send your contact info to JPRiepe@aol.com

Fondest regards and thank you for writing in.

Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear ECO Dan:

What a nice thing to do! I'm glad you liked the story and it appears as if I got the formula right for taking pictures of multi-colored objects on bright, sunny days (against snow white backgrounds).

Thank you for spreading the word of Twisted Roads abroad.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear EGIB (Jeff):

I think it was Shakespeare who wrote something about the gentle hand of a friend offered while dripping the reek of sarcasm. Oh, how I wish I was up to a cross-country ride to Colorado. But neither my joints nor my wallet is up to it.

It is going to take me a good month of trying to work out in the basement, and swinging my leg over a saw horse, to get ready for even local riding. The Slider Run to New Jersey (on my birthday) will require a number of warm-up rides, as the White Castle pilgrimage will be a round trip of 220 miles.

According to a Mac Pac pool conducted by my strongest supporter and pal DucDude, he's claiming I should leave for the White Castle now if I expect to be there on March 20, 2010.

Thank you for reading my blog, commenting, and helping to establish Twisted Roads as the blog for sensitive, manly riders.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Doug R. (Raymond, I suspect):

You have no idea what this simple note from you means to me. It transcends vindication... It almost makes me whole as a writer and as a person.

By the way, Twisted Roads — the Premier Motorcycle Blog For Sensitive And Manly Riders — occasionally publishes work from guest authors. I'd be delighted if you wanted to use this outlet to publish details, a section, or even the whole content of your previously published run to Prudhoe Bay.

You have raised the bar so high for serious content on exciting, legitimate rides, that guys like myself tremble at the mention of your name.

I am thrilled that you read Twisted Roads, and commented in such a kind way... Not like DucDude does.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Charlie6 (Dom):

The White Castle Hamburger is about 2 inches on each side, with a one-ounce patty that is beef by rash generalization. It is cooked on a grill with a surface like the inside of a VW Beetle oil cooler, but has a flovor to die for (or from) at 4am on a weekend morning when all women are beautiful and gin has the smoothness of chocolate milk.

The minimal number to be consumed (per person) under the above circumstances is 6-8. The penance begins about four hours later. You can buy White Castle Cheesburgers frozen in the supermarket. Being previously frozen does not affect the taste in much the same way that frozen sperm will not minimize the child support payments in the future.

The ECO is always a thrill to watch in action, and to see it up close. The Mac Pac holds their breakfasts on the third Sunday of each month. You generally have to be invited to one, but you have a standing invitation from me. Let me know if you are ever going to be out this way... We'll make the necessary arrangements.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Smarmy Ihor:

I remember the time we were standing up to our asses in freezing creek water someplace, when I suggested we try pheasant hunting. You said, "Not likely."

The following year we were bagging Chinese Ringnecks in flight like an anti-aircraft battery on the Thames in 1940. I said to you, "Wouldn't it be cool to hunt deer."

You said, "Not likely."

The following year after that we held licenses in three states and you were the Lee Harvey Oswald of Bambi land.

I believe there is a Vespa, a nun's habit, and a guitar in your future.

Eat your cereal... Drink your Scotch... And put your underwear on backwards... You'll grow up to be just like Chris Wolfe and ride a fearsome Hiaggis-like motorcycle.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Once upon a time, Ihor said...

The point here, as you may recall, is that I started this sampling of hobbies that knows no end. You came to Titusville to trout fish in the D&R Canal. You brought a cloths pole with eye screws and the guts of a meat grinder along with your NJ fishing license. NJ deer hunting has been such fun that we don't do it any more! Acting as your hunting dog, you have stared at more birds winging beauteously away than we have shot combined. I also bring to your attention the variety of long guns which were real duds and the several trips to smiths and manufacturers they required before their correction or abandonment. Then you noted what I was toting. Recall the first night Baghdad was being bombed,the eve of NJ firearms season, and your shotgun was uncooperative? A timely rectification and an amusing tale that.

All the endeavors(free or costly) that we have undertaken and either found lacking or addicting, each one has been absolute fun, who ever suckered the other into them.

P.S. Motorcycling is unlikely, too late by 30 years.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Ihor:

As you are the first to point out to anyone, I am not the brightest bulb on the string. Yet even I have learned never to say "never." Two great ftirnds of mine, Gerry Cavanaugh and Dick Bregstein, too up riding for the first time in their 60's.

When gas hits $6 an hour, you'll be tooling away along the AuSable on your Vespa. And I'll probably have one too.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

sgsidekick said...

Good Gawd, Jack! A WC Slider?? I bought a few and took them to the park to kill ants. Just put them on the ground; the ants crawl across them and actually die! You should ask Bugser his opinion....uh, maybe not.

That EOC Mobile is quite the machine! Nice shots. Thanks for the ridealong!

Quantum theorizing, Ihor said...

I didn't know volume and time were interchangeable! I prefer a vehicle which allows 8 foot logs, groceries, and passengers to be transported in turn or simultaneously. Age and weather also increase the number of wheels required for most transport needs.
Wouldn't you have to weight less than a Vespa before one let you get close enough to it for a ride?

Given the weather in the ADKs, a scooter is a 4 - 5 months a year vehicle. A 4x4 truck still fills the need most appropriately even if fuel is $10@gallon. I mean @yard, @acre, @cubic deciliter? Do the math at your leisure.
Besides, I'll be delivering your Meals-On-Wheels eventually.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Ihor:

You well-intentioned S.O.B. Someday, you and I will find ourselves in a place where we can rent scooters. And after a few hours of riding around, you will find yourself experiencing a kind of light-headedness, normally associated with first-time sex in Tahiti.

You will remember this sensation as "fun." And then you will sit in the road, like Mr. Toad in the "Wind In The Willows," saying "Poop-poop..."

The whole thing does seem preposterous... But just imagine if you and I were retired... And wanted to fish as many road-side streams as possible in the Adirondacks, and you wanted us to camp minimalistically (what else is new?). It would have the air of bicycling to it... But not the sweat and bullshit. And it wouldn't have rthe pain-in-the-ass of wrangling 600 pounds of iron around, like shoving a motorcycle on lousy shoulders and seasonal roads.

The whole idea really appeals to me.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Resolved, Ihor said...

I can't say I've ever seen a place that rents scooters in my travels in the USA. Of course I wasn't looking or of a mind to. I rented bicycles in Delft and on Nantucket and recall they were sufficient and complimented the quietude. I once owned a riding mower as well, now prefer the manual, silent, push sort.

Get on with your training and we'll just walk after we exit the truck with our fishing gear to stream-side. If things continue as they are, the truck may be a future address!!

Unknown said...

IHOR: via: Jackie rIEPE:

Quote: "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams"

bobskoot: wet coast scootin

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Ihor:

Remember how cool it feels to have the wind whistling around your head, coasting your bicycle down a big hill?

I get that on all the straight stretches too.

There are scooter rentals down by Assteaque island. We should head down that way to camp on the beach and surf cast.

Fondest regards,

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Bob Skoot:

Ihor has only one regret... And he'd have had to go to another high school to change it now.

Fondest regards,
Jack • reep • Toad

Unknown said...

Jackie "r":

you mean, the one where you weren't ?

you forgot to mention to Ihor that you also get the wind in your face going UPHILL, and you won't get sweaty at the top either

bobskoot: wet coast scootin

classicvelocity said...

Dear Jack,

You would have had one more GS present had I not been on the left coast braving 65 degree weather on beautiful serpentine roads, and ogling bikes. I did visit another diner that would be a good Mac-Pac venue. Don't tell the PFD that I strayed...

The Ecomobile is an interesting machine. It reminds me of a glider without the wings. I would certainly have to practice a pushbutton stop for a while....

Wayne (classicvelocity)

Anonymous said...

the ECO looks like a pretty cool machine and it wouldn't mess up my hair!!

To bobscoot, Ihor said...

John is right bob, but don't tell him I said so. Oh, he's probably read this by now, damn.
I have never been regretful, except that I once refused to read the sunday funnies to my brother before he could himself. Other than that I'm good.
John is such an esteemed friend of mine that pointed jibes, merciless criticisms and heartless attacks on his various attributes, activities and faux pas' are always taken in the spirit they are offered - to correct his minor flaws and unmaintained standards.
He is a gentleman and a scholar.

Unknown said...


"that pointed jibes, merciless criticisms and heartless attacks on his various attributes, activities and faux pas' are always taken in the spirit they are offered - to correct his minor flaws and unmaintained standards."

we are all on the same page. While most of us here have never met Jack/John everything we do or say to him is in the same spirit.

bobskoot: wet coast scootin

motonomad said...


Concerning the ECO Mobile....
$80,000 for what some might describe as a curiosity? With the understanding that there's an ass for every toilet seat, If I had $80k to spend on toys I'd buy three or more great motorcycles and have enough left over to build an addition on my garage to house them.


viagra online said...

Men I stayed really fascinated with the ECO Mobile, any piece, all the details, everything looks great, I'm like if a cat got my tongue.